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| crunkle 54 posts msg #91270 - Ignore crunkle |
4/16/2010 11:52:17 AM Here's a prime example of 'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus' offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix . The professor told his class one day, 'Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.' The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary. ------------------------------------------- (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question. (second paragraph by Gary ) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. 'A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,' he said into his transgalactic communicator. 'Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far...' But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit. (Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. 'Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,' Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. 'Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?' she wondered wistfully.. ( Gary ) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan.. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam , felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie. (Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent. ( Gary ) Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. 'Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F****** TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!' (Rebecca) A**hole ( Gary ) Bitch! (Rebecca) F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL! ( Gary ) Go drink some tea - whore. (TEACHER) A+ I really liked this one. |
| karennma 8,057 posts msg #91439 - Ignore karennma |
4/20/2010 3:00:33 PM What's the difference between Lloyd Blankfein and God? God doesn't think He's Lloyd Blankfein. |
| TheRumpledOne 6,529 posts msg #91499 - Ignore TheRumpledOne |
4/21/2010 5:39:30 PM (TEACHER) A+ I really liked this one. ============= I did, too...LOL!!! |
| crunkle 54 posts msg #91741 - Ignore crunkle |
4/28/2010 11:49:24 AM I have authored a new book....... I hope to share some of my many insightful tips on improving your golf game. Many of you may not know it, but I have been very busy over the last 2 years putting my thoughts and ideas together in a book. I am very proud of the results, and to assist with the marketing, I am asking friends and family to help me out. I believe my new book on GOLF gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my years of struggle and experience. I'm hopeful you find this a useful tool to help you enjoy your game that much more as you enjoy the great outdoors. The cost is only $9.95. Don't wait until they're all gone !!!! Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt. Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Nike from the Rough, when you Hit a Titleist from the Tee. Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker. Chapter 4 - How to Get More Distance off the Shank. Chapter 5 - When to Give the Ranger the Finger. Chapter 6 - Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings. Chapter 7 - When to Implement Handicap Management. Chapter 8 - Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m. Chapter 9 - How to Rationalize a 6-Hour Round. Chapter 10- When Does A Divot Become Classified as Sod. Chapter 11 - How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the water. Chapter 12 - Why your Spouse Doesn't Care That You Birdied the 5th. Chapter 13- Using Curse words Creatively to Control Ball Flight. Chapter 14-When to Let a Foursome Play through Your Twosome. Chapter 15 - How to Relax When You Are Hitting five off the Tee. Chapter 16 - When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent. Chapter 17 - God and the Meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey Three-Putt. Chapter 18 - When to Regrip Your Ball Retriever. Chapter 19- Throwing Your Clubs: An Effective Stress-Reduction Technique. Chapter 20 - Can You Purchase a Better Golf Game? Chapter 21 - Why Male Golfers Will Pay $5.00 a Beer from the Cart Girl and Give Her a $3 Tip, but will Balk at $2.50 at the 19th Hole and Stiff the Bartender. Thanking you in advance for your cash. |
| machismo 115 posts msg #92151 - Ignore machismo |
5/5/2010 5:24:12 PM Lost In Translation :Chinglish http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2010/05/03/world/asia/20100503_CHINGLISH.html?ref=asia |
| crunkle 54 posts msg #93663 - Ignore crunkle |
6/9/2010 3:32:38 PM DEMENTIA QUIZ FIRST QUESTION: YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON. WHAT POSITION ARE YOU IN? ANSWER: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE FIRST, THEN YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG! IF YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON AND YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE! TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME. NOW ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTION, BUT DON'T TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS YOU TOOK FOR THE FIRST QUESTION, OK? SECOND QUESTION: IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE....? ANSWER: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU ARE..... WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON?? YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU? THIRD QUESTION: VERY TRICKY ARITHMETIC! NOTE: THIS MUST BE DONE IN YOUR HEAD ONLY. DO NOT USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR A CALCULATOR. TRY IT. TAKE 1000 AND ADD 40 TO IT. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000 NOW ADD 30. ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 20. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 10. WHAT IS THE TOTAL? DID YOU GET 5000? THE CORRECT ANSWER IS ACTUALLY 4100... IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, CHECK IT WITH A CALCULATOR! TODAY IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR DAY, IS IT? MAYBE YOU'LL GET THE LAST QUESTION RIGHT... MAYBE... FOURTH QUESTION: MARY'S FATHER HAS FIVE DAUGHTERS: NANA, 2. NENE, 3. NINI, 4. NONO, AND ??? WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE FIFTH DAUGHTER? DID YOU ANSWER NUNU? NO! OF COURSE IT ISN'T. HER NAME IS MARY! READ THE QUESTION AGAIN! OKAY, NOW THE BONUS ROUND, I.E., A FINAL CHANCE TO REDEEM YOURSELF: A MUTE PERSON GOES INTO A SHOP AND WANTS TO BUY A TOOTHBRUSH. BY IMITATING THE ACTION OF BRUSHING HIS TEETH HE SUCCESSFULLY EXPRESSES HIMSELF TO THE SHOPKEEPER AND THE PURCHASE IS DONE. NEXT, A BLIND MAN COMES INTO THE SHOP WHO WANTS TO BUY A PAIR OF SUNGLASSES; HOW DOES HE INDICATE WHAT HE WANTS? IT'S REALLY VERY SIMPLE HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASKS FOR IT... DOES YOUR EMPLOYER ACTUALLY PAY YOU TO THINK?? IF SO DO NOT LET THEM SEE YOUR ANSWERS FOR THIS TEST! PASS THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE! HAVE A NICE DAY, ONE AND ALL. |
| johnpaulca 12,036 posts msg #93670 - Ignore johnpaulca |
6/9/2010 6:18:06 PM A recent study found the average Canadian walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found Canadians drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a year. That means, on average, Canadians get about 41 miles to the gallon. Kind Of Makes You Proud To Be Canadian |
| rharmelink 81 posts msg #93674 - Ignore rharmelink |
6/9/2010 8:47:34 PM >> YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON. WHAT POSITION ARE YOU IN? Poor question. From the answer, It seems the question SHOULD be: If you overtake the person in second place, what position are you in? Otherwise, after I overtake two people, there's no way to tell what position I'm in. It depends what position I started out in before I started overtaking people. >> IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE....? Again, poorly worded question. I would say I'm in first place, because I've overtaken everyone and there is no one left for me to overtake. Based on the answer, the question should have been: If you overtake the person in last place, what position are you in? >> DID YOU ANSWER NUNU? NO! OF COURSE IT ISN\'T. HER NAME IS MARY! READ THE QUESTION AGAIN! Not if Mary is his son. From the other names, we know he isn't good at naming daughters. Maybe he's nuts when it comes to naming sons as well. Or, maybe Mary's father used to have six daughters before his daughter Mary died. So now he only has five left. |
| scott111552 173 posts msg #93676 - Ignore scott111552 |
6/9/2010 9:18:20 PM ....your reasoning borders on brilliance...... :) |
| Eman93 4,750 posts msg #93988 - Ignore Eman93 |
6/17/2010 7:24:42 PM |
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